Of Michelins and Men by Mark Hastings, The Dad's Coach
When he was asked, "What did you need when you first became a dad?," my friend, Steve, had a clear response. "New tires," he said without hesitation. This raised a chuckle among our group. Steve went on to explain how he had been putting off getting new tires, but the imminent arrival of his daughter sent him straight to the tire shop.
Steve's reaction points to a greater truth about men. The majority of dads I meet want to protect and care for their families. They will drop everything in order to attend to a wife or child in need.
Unfortunately, no one writes about the good dads who are dedicated to their families. Overshadowing them are the relatively few numbskulls who make headlines skipping out on child support or physically hurting their spouses and children.
Dads I know want the best for their families. They may not always know how to achieve that, but dads do want to help their kids find their way in the world.
When I was a prospective dad, I had some concerns about what to do and how to be a "good enough" dad. I was confounded and a little shy to ask other men, thinking I had missed that part of the men's life manual. (Only later did I discover that nobody else got the manual.)
Here are three key ideas from the missing manual:
-
"It's going to be OK." For new dads, the sleep deprivation that's put your entire life off kilter is not going to last forever. If you've been a dad for a while, you need to know that no one action is going to make or break your child in his or her development. Just being there for your wife and children is doing more good than you know. Keep it up.
-
"You are needed." For a lot of fathers, whether brand new dads or long-time seasoned dads, it can sometimes feel like you are expendable. Moms often have unbelievably close relationships with their kids. As dads we are often in the position of being on the outside looking in. Don't compare. You cannot copy (nor should you try to copy) the mother-child relationship. But what you, dad, have is unique. You have an opportunity to create something different and great. Make it happen.
-
"You are not alone." We as men don't like to ask for directions. But sometimes the benefits of asking and getting help far outweigh the cost of doing more of the same things that gets a relationship stuck. Help can come in many forms--another dad, a clergyperson, or a coach. For me, a coach was instrumental in taking positive action for my family. Be bold. Take action. Today.
This article may be reprinted in its entirety with the following information:
Mark Hastings, MFT is a counselor also known as "The Dad's Coach." He supports and teaches dads at all stages of the parenting process, "helping good dads become great dads." For more information, visit Mark's website: www.thedadscoach.com.
| 